Hours, Maps & Directions

• Attend events by Margaret Ann Lembo

So, after years of being human, how do you like it? We humans are full of surprises. We have a wide range of emotions and a wide range of reactions to life events. Sometimes we have no clue why we have said, acted, reacted or behaved a certain way until long after the action took place. And so, we delve into this human experience and continually look for ways to transcend ourselves; our human selves, that is.

Have you ever found yourself losing your cool, losing your ability to cope, speaking to another human in a way that you would never want coming your own way? Ah, yes, I do believe most of us have, if we are human. This is where self-observation and eating humble pie comes into the picture.

Self-observation is a tool to observe oneself. We can use it to look at the ways in which we act and react without judging ourselves. That’s where it is sometimes challenging. We often judge our behavior and the behavior of others. There is a big difference in judgment and just observing oneself or others. Making an observation has a much gentler and compassionate energy to it. It brings to mind the words of the Christ when he said, “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” Well, this can be used on ourselves as well as others.

When we take the time to utilize this tool of observation, we can objectively delve into the underlying causes of the behavior that we are not proud of. Let’s take a moment to reflect on some causes of erratic behavior or the losing of one’s cool. As the list is quite long, we’ll touch on just a few. Loss is a big reason. Be it romantic, familial, financial, pets, friends, smoking, diet change or health, the bottom line is that a loss has taken place and there is a void which was once filled. Until we adjust to that loss or fill ourselves up with love and healing, we may blow at unexpected moments in time. The blow up could be uncontrollable crying at what might be perceived as an inappropriate time or screaming at someone who has stepped over the line and our reaction is way out of proportion to the situation.

The blow up is never nice or good for the recipient or the one who blew up. It is embarrassing, hurtful and uncomfortable. Once the dust settles and everyone takes a deep breath, that is when it is time to sit down and have a nice big piece of humble pie. Humble pie comes with self-observation as a big side dish. If we ignore the side dish, the level of emotional indigestion or distress may become immeasurable. This is when we need to use compassion on ourselves. Yes, apology is good. An apology to the recipient as well as to ourselves is crucial in order to move forward. Forgiveness of ourselves is even better. If we can’t forgive ourselves for our shortcomings, how can we ever expect anyone else to forgive us. And yet even better is to make a commitment to ourselves to delve deep into the underlying emotion that created the blow up to start with. The blow up or break down was a huge blaring sign that we need to pay attention to something that we are ignoring.

I received insight on this from two very wise men. The first insight was received when I listened to the Dalai Lama when he was Miami in September of 2004. He was sharing how he is a simple monk and very human. During his general talk, he shared that he, too, gets angry, and it is sometimes with his staff who take care of him. The key is to remember to catch oneself, rectify it and remember to go back to loving them and treating them with respect. The other insight that I received was from my Dad, who some affectionately and respectfully refer to as the Daddy Lama or Papa Bear. I went to him and asked him about this after I had an out of proportion reaction to a situation with a client. He shared that it’s not easy to learn the ability to control the emotions but that we must keep trying. He said for some of us it takes a long time. . . a very long time. And we must continue to try to balance this human condition.

We must be gentle with ourselves. Let us all remember that we have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives and why they may talk and act as they do. One of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements states: Do not take anything personally. May we all try to take that one into our consciousness.

We must pay attention to the signs that our reactions or our body gives us. Often our signals are screaming at us that we need to stop, relax, take time to just be and nurture ourselves. I know this is one that I find very hard. I have workaholic tendencies and just recently have begun to learn to say no or I choose not to do something because my plate is too full. And, if the plate is already too full, how does one fit a huge heaping piece of humble pie on that plate?

I also believe that we must be careful to not place others or ourselves on a pedestal or above being human; otherwise we judge them too harshly. This became clearer in the humbleness of the Dalai Lama when he shared his stories of getting angry with others. It is not fair to place teachers, parents, spiritual facilitators on the proverbial pedestal. When their humanness shows, they fall off that pedestal and that hurts them and anyone they may fall on top of who is standing at the foot of that pedestal. Remember we are all in this together, learning and growing every day in so many ways. Let us all keep our feet firmly planted on Mother Earth together.

So, I sit here eating humble pie with the writing of this piece. Does anyone want to join me?